Identity Crisis

Identity Crisis
Identity Crisis always happened in 30-40 year-old people. After half of the life, people has started to think about "who am I",  "where should I go" or "where am I come from"  as such identity questions. Philosopher Descarte said " I think therefore I am". What if someone cannot understand his own thought, does he exist?  I asked myself "Who am I, Why I am here, What I suppose to do?".

I am feeling confuse that why I decided not to go for examination today and why I am feeling regret right now. By a rational and logical thinking, because I do not prepare well, I will not get pass the exam. Therefore if I go or not, it will not be a different. If I go, time is wasted. Therefore I better not to go. However when I sat down at home this morning, I ask myself why i decided not to go for exam. Actually I cannot tell. I cannot convince myself it is logical. Maybe I am so confidence in myself that I can get pass without any preparation as I already well prepared. That is why I am so regret right now. OH~!! NO~!! MY GOD~!! Sometimes people acts irrational and makes mistake, and so am I. I have got nothing to do today. Therefore there are no cost to go for today's exam. I shall not give up any chance.

Well~!! Exam was gone already, bullshit had already be told.

I will be fine. The most important is that " Learn form the past, Look at the future."

Then the next question come up in my mind is "Why I decide enroll in CFA?". What I suppose to do. After graduated from college, I have asked myself "What is my goal?" I always set a goal for myself to working on it. Otherwise I will feel confuse to my identity maybe. I think this is illness. It is not a good behavior.

In HEROES, Sylar strive for power. He is hungry of different kind of power. He is the most powerful one as he can take away other's ability by killing them. In season four, he is a little bit different, he not only a psycho-killer, he is a philosopher. He started to think about "who he is".  He traced for his father to find the answer. After he got a shape-shifting ability, he seem much more confusing. On the other hand, a Hero call Hiro. He is always believe that he got a destiny, he have to save the world. Season one he saved NYC. Season two he saved the future. Season four and five, he saved and help different Heroes from government hurting. He is always clear about what he gotta do. In the latest season, he is going to die. He still believe in his destiny. He saved Charlie, Ando's love and etc.

I think I just like Sylar. I strive for knowledge, skill, winner medal, respect, appreciate and something like that. It is just because I cannot figure out WHAT I SUPPOSE TO DO or WHO AM I. When I was a child, my family never have any expectation on me. I am nothings. I always be told "you are loser, you can do nothing, you study shit" Vice Versa, my brother was always got expectation. It was a funny joke. As I got no expectation, I then become a shape-shifter. I act somebody else. I act as some guy I think he / she is great. That why I got an ability that I can ACT like some role like a kind person, a talkative person, a quiet person etc. , however, I don't belong to that. For example, I have no idea why I decided to work in banking industry. Lot of friends told me that it is not like me. It is not suitable for me. Yup, they are right I think. I like planning, thinking, controling etc but not selling or handling transaction although I am capable to that.

My goal in the coming year : figure WHO AM I.